Tilia Bell

[Written by Fluttershy around Dec ’19]

This is basically just my entire fb chat log with Tilia Bell. The chat generally happened when I was more traumatized as a person, and looking back, I see her as being an enabler. For setting herself up as a source of “I can help get sexual predators banned from spaces”, and then not delivering on that. I’m not aware of her having sexually assaulted or raped anyone, I’m accusing her of being an enabler. See also, my reports on Robert Lecnik and Alice Monday.

Hi Tilia,
Julia Wise (and others) have mentioned that you’re a person who serves as a central point of contact for the Bay Area EA/LW community re: helping people get information on whether certain people are sexual predators or have been accused of being such. Since anonymously reporting consent violations to you might help others, I’d like to anonymously report two people who have sexually assaulted me in the past—Robert Lecnik and Alice Monday. You’re welcome to share that someone has reported both individuals without checking with me first, so long as you never mention that I was the one who did so.
I’ve also mentioned both of those names to Julia as of a few minutes ago (not sure if I needed to mention this to avoid double counting). In Robert’s case, I’d strongly like to know how many times and for what sorts of things he’s been reported to you in the past, since knowing this may make me either more or less likely to warn particularly vulnerable people about him privately in the future. So, please let me know if you can provide me with that information? In Alice’s case, I want to mention that I despise Giego more than her; I strongly don’t want me reporting Alice to imply otherwise, given how dedicated they are in their hatred for each other.
Thanks! Let me know if you have any questions for me, too.
4/26/17, 2:48 AM

Hi Tilia,
Since I haven’t heard back from you and was getting a bit System-1-worried, I wanted to at least confirm that you had received my message and treated these sorts of reports anonymously?
5/18/17, 10:07 AM
You can now call each other and see information like Active Status and when you’ve read messages.

Hi Jane! I am so sorry about not getting back to you sooner! I had a cold which really destroyed my productivity, and then I just fell behind and have been playing catch up for weeks

I don’t actually have any formal reports on either Robert or Alice.

I have personal experience of seeing Robert struggle with getting appropriate consent in a social setting, when all that’s going on is cuddling.

so I’m adding your two reports to the list. I just need to collect a little more information from you to finish the report

We’re still developing these protocols, so please ask me if you have any questions about this. Would you like one or both of these reports to be added to the General List which means that someone can come to me and ask “who should I watch out for?” and I will give them the names and details for all names on the general List. Alternatively, if you’re feeling more cautious, or worried about retaliation, the names added to the Restricted List are only available to someone asking about a name on the restricted list. [For example, if Bob were on the restricted list, someone asking “who should I watch out for?” would not get Bob’s name, but someone asking “Bob asked me out. Is he a safe person?” would get Bob’s name and any available details on bob’s past incidents. ]

Next, right now your report says only “Sexual Assault” in both of the “details” section of your report. If you’d like to add a few more details to the report, that will be available to anyone who receives access to your report, you are welcome to write a short blurb explaining the offense or offenses that the offender committed.

Next, when people make a second or god forbid third or further report on a given person, I ask them if they would like to be put in touch with the previous reporter. If you both agree, then I would put the two of you in touch. If you are not interested, let me know though, and you will not need to worry about me bringing it up to you again, except in rare and extreme circumstances.

Lastly, may I share your reports with my co-organizer mandy?
5/18/17, 5:04 PM

Thank you for the response, Tilia. Do entries on the general list show who reported the offense? I’d be ok with the reports being shown there if not, and if so, I’d want to think about it more.
5/19/17, 12:12 AM

nope. All reports are anonymous

Thank you so much for making this report. Do you feel like you are being supported in the way that you desire to be supported?

I’m happy to be a friendly ear, if you feel like you need to unpack anything around it
5/20/17, 1:42 PM

Thank you, Tilia. I think I’m doing well enough for now. I’d likely be happy for anyone else who makes a report on either of those two people to be put in touch with me, if they want to as well.

I appreciate that you take care of this sort of thing for the community 🙂

Glad to hear you’re doing as well as can be expected! And thank you for being so patient with me for disappearing for so long!
8/3/17, 5:24 PM

Hi Jane! I’m sorry for dredging up your unpleasant experiences again, but I am trying to make the List a more effective tool. Mandy and I agree that reports need to be a bit more detailed in order to keep the reliability of the list high. I’d like to keep your reports on the list, but if possible, I’d like an account of the offenses that each of your Offenders committed. Would you be willing to share the details of your experiences with me? And if you want to change the confidentiality of your reports based on this new requirement, please let me know.

(the other options are R2A – reporter to asker, meaning that only those who ask about your offender by name will receive your report, or R2R, meaning that only those who have reported your offender will receive your report)
8/3/17, 7:10 PM

Tilia, the connotations of “keep the reliability of the list high” are not lost on me. I don’t question that you have good intent. But that has no bearing on whether I feel moral outrage that in our social group (EA/rationality), the consequence of adding to the list is to be questioned (ie punished). Subtly punished, but punished, yes. Many people already feel shame about coming forward, and I do not endorse policies which subtly reinforce that response, however subtle the reinforcement may be.

Perhaps I will respond again when I have had time to consider my response beforehand. For now: I take responsibility for myself and many others, and this extends to managing emotions, so do not feel need to apologize or qualify yourself if we are solving a problem. I just care about outcomes.

May I ask about the story behind your and Mandy’s decision to change the list this way? 🙂

One other thing. I appreciate the honesty of your wording–“in order to keep the reliability of the list high” is far better than, say, “in order to improve the list”. Changing the wording wouldn’t change the message, or the subcultural subtexts that shaped it.

Thanks for responding! I’m going to need a bit to succinctly express why a report with no specific information isn’t helpful for what we’re trying to do

I’ll get back to you tonight?
8/4/17, 12:19 AM

Hmm. The default course of action, if we don’t speak further, is to have my entries removed from the list entirely. Do speak with me first, though.
8/4/17, 2:35 PM

hi Joyce, I’m so sorry about this. I tried to figure out exactly what was the problem with having an undetailed report on our list. Talking to mandy didn’t really help me acheive clarity, but the best I can say is that reports that have a bit of detail are possibly less likely to be false, or possibly less likely to be perceived as false by Askers.
I totally understand if you’re not up for sharing the specifics of your negative experiences, and will go ahead and take down your reports for now. You are always welcome to change your mind and let us know in the furture.
8/27/17, 6:27 PM

Thanks. To be clear, did you erase my reports from the list entirely rather than just change their share-ability to “none”? I prefer the former.
8/28/17, 10:00 AM

We did, thanks for checking

Sorry for the kerfluffle

[end of chat log]